Fair warning – brutal honesty is on its way…
I was NOT happy at first. There, I said it.
I feel guilty for having such sentiment but it’s the truth. When I found out last April that I was pregnant again, I was not thrilled. My husband and daughter were both very happy and excited but I was on the restrained side.
Every time I think about it, I really feel remorseful guilt, but well, I am only human and I could not dictate my emotions. Sorry, baby number two. Mommy loves you!
You see, my 2-year-old daughter just weaned off from exclusive breastfeeding that month we found out. I was starting to get the hang of this rookie mom thing and I was feeling more confident about myself. I also started going out of the house more often because my daughter was not as needy anymore. I got to wear my old clothes, no more nursing tops and mommy uniforms. Plus, I could drink a glass of wine or east spicy food without thinking about the consequences. Two weeks of “freedom” then BAM!
I know, my reasons all sound selfish. These simple things may not be significant especially for women who are having conception problems. Those who have been wanting to have a child for so long would probably smack me in the face for thinking all of these. But hey, like I said, I am but human. Aside from being a mother, I am also just a regular woman with normal needs and wants.
Just to be clear, my second pregnancy was neither planned nor unplanned. My husband and I wanted to have a second child, of course (we actually want four kids but we’ll see if this is still feasible). We wanted to have another child by year 2018, yes, because we think that a 3-year age gap is perfect. However, we also did not exert conscious effort on trying to conceive just yet. So, we were a bit surprised that the blessing came sooner than we expected.
Nonetheless, like I always say in my previous posts, everything happens for a reason. And truly, GOD MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME.
God will not give us this blessing if we were not ready to have it. This beautiful thought is what made my heart lighter and free of negativity. 🙂
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It’s true when they say each pregnancy is different from the other. I did not have any morning sickness or vomiting during my first. I had some food aversions but not as bad as the second. I lived on Skyflakes crackers, cheese pandesal and hot Milo drink, literally every single day. My skin became very dry and I had bad breakouts whereas during my pregnancy, people complimented me for being “blooming” and “glowing”. Everything was so different.
I am currently on my 24th week of pregnancy and thankfully I have beaten a very difficult first trimester.
For three months I could not eat and vomited everything I ingested. I was weak, ugly, and irritable. The surge of horomotions (hormonal emotions haha) and negative feelings about the pregnancy all came back. But you know, God has His ways. I got enough support from people around me. Even my 2-year old seemed to know what was going on. And I got through the dreadful phase in one piece.
Today, I am empowered by my false confidence. I feel like I am ready and capable! Though I am sure I will have a different judgment about this when baby number two arrives, as warned by many. Still, I have a hopeful heart. 🙂
I am just grateful that I am at a better state right now. After my Congenital Scan, and finding out about the baby’s gender (WAIT FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT SOON!), everything seems to move SO FAST. I feel like fifteen weeks is TOO CLOSE, I can almost smell the baby.
Finally! I have been waiting for this feeling of excitement and contentment. It was quite delayed but I’m relieved it’s here, and is here to stay. I can’t wait to see my kids play, share, and love one another. 🙂
Sometimes, we just have to realize that the world does not revolve around us and that the best life moments are hinged on the fulfillment of your sense of purpose.
Being a mother fulfills my sense of purpose and I could not be more grateful to the Lord for granting us another blessing. 🙂
Expecting the best,